Where's my Honey?
by DawningAurora
Summary: What happens when an authoress has had too much caffeine? Mayhem of course. ShikaTen and (if you squint, OroKabu)


**Disclaimer**-Didn't own Naruto yesterday so I probably don't own it today either…

**Summary-** What happens when an authoress has had too much caffeine? ShikaTen crack of course.

**Warnings-** Pure unadulterated crack and character assassination and mentions of objects from Harry Potter world.

**####**

It had been a beautiful spring morning. The sun painted the entire village in gentle hues that brought out the beauty of the untamed forests surrounding the Village Hidden in the Leaves. The guards were busy at the gates with this morning's foot traffic. The breeze that blew through the village finally reached the window sill of the Nara household, bringing with it, the scents and sounds of a village bustling about its day to day business.

The breeze peeped at the window sill to find the Nara heir- Shikamaru- still slumbering upon his bed. The breeze, which knew of the Naras' extreme affinity for their beds, slunk off to find the only cure- The Nara Matriarch. The breeze teased the Nara Matriarch into looking at the clock that snuggled against their television and happily carried the resulting not-very-mellifluous screech to Shikamaru. He sat bolt upright. No alarm clock had been as effective as his mother. Sighing quietly to himself, he stumbled out of bed to his bathroom.

An hour later found Shikamaru clean, fresh and marginally more human than before. He slid into his open toed sandals and made his way to the office he had been assigned to- Strategy and Analytical Surveys department. The office even had a day demarcated in the year when everyone wore a "I am SASS-y" T-shirt. Mysterious ailments would plague the employees on the afore mentioned day and half of the staff would not come in to work on that day. The other unfortunate half, which included Shikamaru, would have to carry the burden of the "ailing" staff for that day. He greeted the stack of ciphers and paper with a "how troublesome" and got to work.

After four hours of concentrated effort, the Watchtower* in Konoha chimed its 2-o-clock alarm. Stretching his sore back muscles he decided to break for lunch.

...

Orochimaru settled back into his armchair, sighing deeply. "The Draught of Living Death"* he imported by mail, or rather, owl order from a quaint and odd little village by name "hogsmeade", was contained in a bright electric pink shade bottle.

"What is the meaning of this" he hissed in annoyance, his sibilance turning the words nearly unintelligible. The instructions to taking the portion were "a hair of the woman you love, a drop of honey and your touch"

Kabuto, sensing the murderous rage emanating from behind the calm façade of his master, backed out of the hideout hastily.

Sniffling, Kabuto made his way to the edge of the cliff of the latest base and flung the bottle with all his might.

...

Neji had become far too overbearing in the past few days and so the Weapons Mistress of Konoha just had to take the day off. If she didn't, she was sure she would snap and end up strangling with his hair! She was a kunoichi and the sooner he realized that the better off they would be. His ceaseless sermons on her inability to care for her hair contributed to Tenten's irritability. And today was the final straw, he had not only insulted her by sniffing disdainfully at her hair, he had also called her one of Lee's 'flowers' of springtime!

With feisty mutterings of "damn stick-up-my-posterior Hyugas" sprinkled liberally with a few 'I'm going to brutally chop off his hair and hide his specially crafted egg-albumin based conditioner" she sauntered off to the bakery she favoured.

As much as she enjoyed the spicy and varied flavours of Japanese dishes, she still could not forgo the creamy, fluffy, melts-in-your-mouth deliciousness of flour cakes that were almost a way of life back in her homeland.

As she turned towards the stall, the kindly, old confectioner greeted her with a warm "Welcome home". Tenten returned the greeting with a smile that seemed to light up the room.

"Blueberry cheesecake?" he old woman -Tsora- asked, sensing the turbulence in the usually collected young woman as she against the counter separating the serving area and the customers' seating area. Forgoing her usual chocolate syrup in favor of the blackcurrant Tenten listened patiently to the gossip the old woman loved to dish out.

The Hyuga patriarch had finally agreed to the marriage between his first born and Naruto. Kiba and Ino had another rip-roaring, spectacular fight. She reminded herself to stock up on chocolate ice cream and coffee in preparation for the sure-to-come sleepover. With Hinata's marriage coming up and Ino's need for a place to crash for the night and Sakura's promotion as Healer* tonight seemed to be slated for their informal "meeting". They did nothing besides lounge around eating ice cream, gossiping and giggling at the antics of their friends.

Soothed back into her regular placid self by Tsora's voice as the old lady pottered around her cozy shop. On finding the old woman struggling to replace a pot of honey Tenten jumped over the counter, intending to assist the old woman, but slipped on a slab of butter and fell. Startled by the sound, Tsora dropped the jar of honey causing it to splatter all over Tenten.

Tenten brushed off Tsora's attempts at mopping the honey off her face with gentle smiles and made her way home.

As she passed the main road, she saw Shikamaru slip on a banana peel and flashed to his side to stop his fall.

She held him as something hit her head. Hard. As glass scattered around them, she found something dribbling down her honey soaked bang and slip into Shika's mid-curse-spouting mouth.

He stopped cursing and turned to her. A bronze gaze focused on her with Lee-like intensity. He took her hand in his, and began "O beautiful flower of Konoha, My four chambered aortal pumps vibrate with more frequency upon gazing on your luminous beauty…"

The rest, as they say, was history.

**####**

Watchtower is a giant clock carved into a pillar that people put in the middle of a village for villagers who are too lazy to wear watches everyday.. a la me.. ;)

Healer is the person in charge of the hospital. Le head doc.

**Reviews are love.. send some my way please.. :)**

**-Auro-chan**


End file.
